Memories of April 5th

Yesterday I couldn't help but remember April 5th from 6 years ago. My mind relived that day. I don't think there is any part of that day I can't remember vividly. During the morning hours I had been thinking about Jason being in the hospital for some surgery he needed. As a mom, naturally I was concerned and waiting for a call about his condition. He had visited us for a few days and had just gone back home to Utah the day before. Then I got a call I wasn't expecting...anyway, not yet. It was my sister telling me that she and mom were with dad in the hospital. He had collapsed at home. Because he had cancer and had just began using a wheelchair a few days before due to his obvious deterioration, I knew that it was not a good thing. I thought to myself as I drove to the hospital that it was probably the first of a few trips I would be making in the next few months. Little did I know how soon that perception would be dismissed. When I arrived at the hospital, mom and Peg had just been told that dad wasn't expected to make it through the night. It was hard to watch him laying in that hospital bed realizing that I was having my last moments with him. I know it seems trivial, but I felt good about a couple of little things I was able to do for him in those last hours. At one point I saw that he kept moving his legs as if they were uncomfortable. I asked him if he would like a pillow under his legs. He shook his yes and I got the nurse to bring him a pillow. His legs relaxed after that. Early in the evening Peg and mom went to grab a quick bite to eat as they had been with him all day. Before mom had left the room, she had been stroking his head. When she left, I took over. It seems to sooth him. At one point he looked up as if to ask where mom was. I assured him that she was just getting a bite to eat. He seemed glad that she was taking care of herself, yet I also knew that he wanted her there. I wasn't doing much, but what little I was able, I felt good about. It kept me from feeling totally helpless...my last opportunity to show him my love. That evening right before his passing, I got to witness something truly beautiful though. I saw his eyes and emotion as he mouthed his last words before closing his eyes for the last time. He turned to mom holding her hand and told her he loved her. A few minutes later, he was gone. What a great last gift he gave...not just to mom but for me to be able to witness. I miss him. But I am very fortunate, for I have wonderful memories of a great man I call my dad.